Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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