Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
