YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
