I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
