I'd wear matching sweaters with you
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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