Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
