I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
They are going to name an STD after you.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
