i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
