The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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