if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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