Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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