So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
