He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
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Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
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