thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
