i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Two words: blizzard sex
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Randomize
