"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
