you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
