She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
