So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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