okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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