My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
