Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
