I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
