Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize
