Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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