Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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