So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
