is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
How naked do you want me to be?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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