Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
