Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
