I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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