I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
