Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
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A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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