Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
