last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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