we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
