a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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