Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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