i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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