Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
