Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
