If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
