Dual....:-)
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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