You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
