just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
