I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
My life is pants optional.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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