escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
how does that bad decision feel?
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