i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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