so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
