these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
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Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Rumble strips road head = magical
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
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I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize