Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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