but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
