And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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