ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
