Please, let me fuck your mom
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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