i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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