Texts From Last Night

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  (540): View more from Virginia

  I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes

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  (540): I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes http://tfl.nu/2t0p
  Replies (15) Good night (672) Bad night (1028)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.

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  (425): Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars. http://tfl.nu/v0mr
  Replies (29) Good night (1073) Bad night (2999)
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night

  (631): View more from New York

  U should. Its a good ice breaker

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  (740): Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night (631): U should. Its a good ice breaker http://tfl.nu/6sdf
  Replies (10) Good night (3630) Bad night (691)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!

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  (512): She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them! http://tfl.nu/ovo7
  Replies (20) Good night (6512) Bad night (1203)
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.

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  (810): According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant. http://tfl.nu/aq1y
  Replies (25) Good night (11430) Bad night (1195)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision

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  (330): i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision http://tfl.nu/wqwa
  Replies (10) Good night (1073) Bad night (2017)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis

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  (202): Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis http://tfl.nu/68pm
  Replies (5) Good night (2515) Bad night (618)
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything

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  (706): I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything http://tfl.nu/u65o
  Replies (11) Good night (1346) Bad night (678)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots

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  (919): I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots http://tfl.nu/ri9x
  Replies (3) Good night (662) Bad night (340)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.

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  (817): Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount. http://tfl.nu/oq9w
  Replies (10) Good night (2033) Bad night (385)
• Favorite

  (386): View more from Florida

  Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)

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  (386): Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight) http://tfl.nu/otp9
  Replies (0) Good night (864) Bad night (295)
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!

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  (646): Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth! http://tfl.nu/4hup
  Replies (5) Good night (1924) Bad night (308)
• Favorite

  (606): View more from Kentucky

  I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.

  (1-606): View more from Kentucky

  At least that would be something.

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  (606): I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting. (1-606): At least that would be something. http://tfl.nu/23qn
  Replies (4) Good night (578) Bad night (247)
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me

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  (647): Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me http://tfl.nu/giau
  Replies (3) Good night (489) Bad night (232)
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.

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  (916): I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer. http://tfl.nu/dadk
  Replies (2) Good night (488) Bad night (226)

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