I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
