I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
You're right, stupid question.
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i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination