she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
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i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
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I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?