i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Randomize