you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
