i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
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