I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
