Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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