I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
