True but thats because hes a fetus.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
